Breakups, Self Improvement Seeing The Positive Side of Broken Heart

Nehemiah Writes, Personal Experience

Growing up, I had a very unrealistic view of love, I saw love as this magical that, if attained, would make me eternally happy till I got my heart broken and saw the darker side of love. It’s super easy to be broken-hearted, sad or disappointed when the people who promised to be there for you through thick and thin break tides with you. And trust me, I know this all too well. Being a victim, I felt that! And it’s so easy to recall those memories you shared over and over again.

“Oh, but why did she say that I want a man not a boy?” “Did I come this far to hear this?”

“Oh my God, I feel like a total failure now and everything I’ve built up till now is just a sham!”Well, that was actually my story.

In my early 20’s after high school, I was trying to focus on the major (most important) things in life and use my time wisely. From selling of ladies shoes to T-Shirts with African prints; a small business I was growing, working as a part-time for other printing press, traveling to deliver some of my goods and yet trying to get time for my relationship. I was all shades of busy and boy!

There was too much pressure to get things right. Once, I decided to visit my girlfriend without her notice on campus. I set off Friday evening and got there early Saturday morning around 5:45am. I called her to tell her I was in town to see her. I waited a bit for her in school and noting she was busy, I left her campus with the intention of checking back on her the next day. Surprisingly, she called me that evening and not knowing that my phone was on silent mood, she became so upset and accused me of many things the next day. I was shocked. She told me, “Kofi, I want a man, not a boy” in front of one of their faculties. She asked if I informed her before coming to see her. She said she didn’t know what I was doing there. I felt so hurt by her words when I got back to my guest house. They stung me so much and I was too shocked. She sounded like she hated me not for picking up her call. I’m always the self motivated person, inspiring and encouraging my friends to not give up or get disheartened, to see the positive side of every situation! But in that moment, after she spoke her mind, I felt miserable and I felt perhaps, everything I had built for in the relationship was useless.

Months later, I texted her to know where I stood in her life. It was a hard knock when she replied she had broken up with me and that I should move on. Hmmm, seconds became hours, and hours became days and night. Days and nights became years! I lost my self ! I lost my appetite! I became a talkative and started explaining myself to everyone I met. A lot happened to me during this period which I can’t share all.

But on hearing the story of my break up, my cousin said to me,“Kofi, if you’re truly not a man, or with low perdegree, then why do people call and invite you to places to seek and host seminars with you? Close this chapter of your life and see what the future got for you.

“If you ever get heartbroken, just remember that, Love didn’t break up with you, but someone who doesn’t know how to love broke up with you. Don’t always reflect on what you did wrong. This period is hard though, but try as much as possible to be positive and build your capacity.

But how can i possibly apply this to my life and get over when heartbreak shows up?

Firstly, what I did was to stay-away from her. I stopped calling her, begging her, spying her social media handles and deleted anything that will make me think of her.Secondly, I took a stock of my life. If what she said was true, then perhaps, I could learn lessons from it and grow into the man the universe would need. If it wasn’t, then I guess I should move on.What I did find out? Miss was right in some way, I had no capacity then! I identified my self with these two questions (who am I, and why am I here?). So what she said to me was a hard truth from her heart towards me.Now, I realize that a broken heart does provide a light at the end of the tunnel; seeing the positive side could manifest and blossom. And chances are, you’ll be able to ultimately feel thankful that you were let go. This person did you a favor; if nothing else, he or she paved the way for something bigger, greater and more beautiful to come.